Please be asleep, I dont wanna have to explain my tears.

I went to 3/4 of the appointments I made this week. I didn't make it to the last one today. I lay in bed, until 2:00pm. Like everyday, rushing around like a mad woman to make it to work on time. I took a shower with my new apple-scented body wash and threw on my ugliest, most ill fitting clothes. As I was making my lunch my father was hovering in the doorway of our tiny apartment kitchen. He does this a lot and I hate it. He will just hover and stare. It makes my skin crawl. So I snapped "Will you please stop hovering over me like that?" He said "Sooorry I was just trying to make conversation" and went to his room and shut the door.
Then I started to cry.

I sat down on the couch and cried and cried, looking at the clock through my tears. Counting down the minutes to work.
I cant do this, I cant go to work.
But I couldn't call off. There was no way.
God, how I thought of everything in those few minutes before I left for work.
I don't recall any happy childhood memories.
I resent him and his not protecting me. No one did.
Did they know and play off some sort of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind thing?
I just want to go back to bed, it feels safe there.
I never felt safe.
A lot of times I still don't.
Walking down the corridor to my apartment.
In the elevator.
I cried the whole way to work. Maybe someone will take care of me.
No one did.
My first few calls at work, some residual tears came creeping down my cheeks.
I ate some cottage cheese and a half a candy bar on break.
I feel a little better.
I am so tired.
Had 13 ish hours of sleep.
I am exhausted.
I look like a bum.
Can anyone tell there is something wrong with me?
Can the customers on the phone hear it in my voice?
I eat my lunch, I inhale it.
It doesn't even taste good.
It's funny how my taste buds even get numbed.
When I feel like this.
I am such a bad typer.
I fucked up a simple street name repeatedly.
My fingers dont work.
I smacked my keyboard in anger.
I made it through work.
Got in my car. 12:36 am.
Tears started to fall before I pulled out of the parking lot.
It's funny how you can watch your life happening and not even know it was your life.
How memory is so fragile, yet haunting.
I feel my heart beating.
I am filled with rage.
Walked in the door just now
And started to write this.