Sometimes I Like To Pee In The Shower

I think about posting on this little dot of a website more often.

I think about a lot of things that I don't do.

I wonder if I am happy, because sometimes I can't tell. Life has been keeping me pretty busy lately, with all the illness going down in my family. I am happy to oblige with the care taking. But when I am not busy, when I am sitting alone after everything has stopped momentarily,

I really don't know what I feel. There is this common notion about feelings: that we should all feel them. Feelings. What weird little buggers.

I know they are there but I like to ignore them. I would rather have ACTION. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. I don't want to lounge around loving somebody, bathing in all that sticky, smelly love. Bitch, please.

I want to make you some cookies. I want to send you flowers. I want to fuck. I want to wipe your nose when your sick. Or take your temperature through your ass, if you want to be a little kinky.

I don't want to think. I got bills to pay.

So, on that note, I feel that this post is bordering on a sucky suckfest (which is the exact opposite of a fucky fuckfest which would be spectacular). If I had actual people reading this ,I think I would get a lot of eye rolls & hate mail.

I do not think there is anything wrong with peeing in the shower.

And either do these guys:

It's just that their version of a shower is licking their own dupas. Hey, if I could I would too.

By the way the new movie, Ratatouille, is the SHIT!
Baby Jesus answered my prayers by having an animated film made about rats. Now I understand why people point to the heavens and thank Jesus at the Grammys & Academy awards. I used to think "Bitch, Jesus don't care/had nothin' to do with you winning no big ass gold award. Quit yer cryin' you blubbery baby, yer makeup is runnin'."

But, Doubting Thomas, I am no longer:

First, I would like to thank my grandma for believing in me since I was 23 yrs old and got my first ratties. She got to see my dream of rat animation come to fruition at my very side in the movies theater this past Saturday. Also, thank you for not falling asleep or bitching out the loud demon children sitting next to you

Thanks to my chefs, the employees at Taco Bell on Mayfield Rd. You may be rude and angry but you make my taco salad-minus the meat plus an extra salsa with 4 packets of fire sauce- just right.

Thanks to my boyfriend, who even though knows deep down that my loves for my rats has no boundries but that my love for him does. You are truly a special man.

I would also like to thank Pixar Animation Studios for the entralling animation and the clever, hilarious plot that left me holding my belly and laughing louder and more passionately than any of the 6-11 year olds in the theater with me. Please make a sequel.

Thanks to my rats that have past on (in order of date deceased):

Humbert: You were fat and shy with the cutest nose. I don't think you really liked me but you did not deserve that awful death on Christmas day 2005. I shall miss you.

Linus: You were my first alpha-male. I believe in my heart that you waited for me to wake-up so I could be with you as you took your last breaths. I will never forget you.

Quilty: You were a rat with a heart of gold, indeed. You played coy, but you were an adventurer at heart. I am sorry you got those awful tumors, but you were a soldier through it all. You touched me deeply.

Toupee: You came to me a hairless rat with an affected personality. You were a sweet little baby that became grumpy towards the end. I will not mention online my breaking point with you, but I will attribute it to your childhood that I was not there to oversee and your poor eyesight, as well as being the only hairless rat. I know it is hard to be an outsider. May you rest in peace.

A shout out to my 2nd generation of ratties, Benicio del Ratto, Ennis Levi & Wheeza Whizzle.
You are the sunshines of my life. Feel better soon, Wheeza! Momma's coming into your room to give you your meds in a minute.

And to my ratties of the futures: I will nuzzle you to my bosom and spoil you with love and treats. You will never be loved by another more than I. Never.

And last but definitely not least I would like to thank Jesus H. Christ and his father, God.

points to the heavens above

Big ups to the Holy Ghost as well, for he brings the trilogy full circle.

bursts into tears, a thin strand of mucusy snot dangling from tip of left nostril
Strains eyes to look up to said heaven, lower lip trembling, whispers to self but into microphone so crowd can hear: I love you, Jesus!






And, yes I realize if I had no readers before I posted this blog, I most likely have alienated any future readers.

But this is me. I'm slowly learning to have no apologies about myself.
This is a start.