I miss him so much. In less than a week we have become worlds apart. At work I want to curl under the espresso machine and cry. I do not know what to do with myself. I can't comprehend that I am separate from my husband. I want to stop all the pain he tells me he is feeling. This is not my husband but it is.
I want to force everything back to normal. What was normal? I suppose normal was just something we wished for everyday.
I want to laugh with him and be silly. I want him to tickle me and stop just when it starts to become painful and I have tears rolling down my cheeks. I want to see him strut around the house naked.
"The curtains are open! Someone will see you!"
He saunters back and forth and makes exaggerated muscles flex.
"So? They'll just be jealous that I'm yours."
He is mine. I want to grow old by my husbands side so we can press our wrinkled lips together. Please, whatever higher powers that be- please bring him back to me. Let this make us stronger than ever. I need him. I love him.
Sept. 29, 2005 11:22pm
I have contemplated knocking on my neighbors door and asking "Would you mind hanging out with me for a little while?"
They let me in. We talk and talk all night. They notice the two rings I am wearing on my left ring finger. The one ring is a dainty diamond wedding ring, the other is a bulky steel mens wedding band.
They ask "Are those both of your wedding rings?"They are curious about the contrast and mismatching of them.
"No this one is my husbands'. He left it behind tonight. I don't know why."
I don't even know my neighbors. I feel more alone than I ever have.
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